The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, kindness, generosity and togetherness, but for too many of us the holidays are tinged with dread. We dread the inevitable arguments over money, politics, family history. We dread the squabbles over sharing space and attention. We dread the arguments about whose turn it is to do what, or whose responsibility it was to take care of whom. “I don’t want to go to Thanksgiving this year,” my daughter told me recently, because all the adults do is fight.
Our children are sitting at the small folding table next to the adult table and they are watching us. They do not understand why their beloved cousin seems to be mad at mommy or why Grandpa just said someone has a 4th grader’s understanding of economics. We are their models. They can do better if we do better. We love each other, we want the time we spend together to be warm, but we are not communicating with each other in the way that would allow the special moments to unfold. We need strategies for facing the holidays — and our loved ones — with compassion, kindness and perspective.
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